| Live by the foma that make you brave, and kind, and healthy, and happy. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
| Fuuuckkkk ittt |
[11 Apr 2005|07:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
desperate housewives |
] |
I gave in... i undeleted. but im taking lauren's advice and going
FRIENDS ONLY.
from now on...
comment to be added lovelies
|
|
|
[23 Mar 2005|05:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i dont knoowwwww |
] |
im so angry. its fucking ridiculous. why are people so scared of words? somewhere we went wrong and gave them too much power... let them take us over. we lost control. they rule us not us them. in three days i'll be sixteen. what does that mean? seems silly. i miss silly. i miss love. i miss trust. i remember calling my friends and telling them every stupid detail. what happened? when did u give up on me? i guess when i did. im a credulous person. i fall in love to easily then don't know what to do. i got my heartbroken. all my silly insecurities exhibited. im weak. fuck beauty, fuck love, fuck emotions. just keep me sane. i need to sort my soul. its filled with maudlin tears. i just want to feel ok. someone to hold me at the end of the day that i know wont leave me. am i that hard to be around? well, i guess i kinda am. but ill work on it... im trying. something with no strings, something that makes things simple. some1 i love, but in a way that doesnt drive them away. a kiss at the end of the day. all my friends used to love me. we'd tell eachother everything. hmm... i cant let go. im too in love. really im just scared and angry and somewhere i lost my constant. nothings permanent. teach me to let go.
|
|
| fabulous DAHLIN' |
[12 Mar 2005|06:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
cake |
] |
im a goof
im sorry everybody 4 bing a piss ant
i loff chu
|
|
| MY HOLE IS YOUR HOLE |
[06 Mar 2005|09:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
some bob dylan song |
] |
im gonna dig a hole and live in it 4 awhile... organize my brain's clutter.
im sorry to say there's no phone line inside my hole, however, text messages are always acceptable
AARGG i keep almost spelling hole as whole... maybe it has some deeper meaning eh? or maybe its just cuz my eyes are all fogged up. dont ask me how.
vistors are always welcome... well, as long as they have good intentions.
yyyyyyyyyyaaaaaawwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn. i need a hug. desperately.
ithinkmyheartisrotting
|
|
| Sweet Dreams |
[03 Mar 2005|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 migraine |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
muse |
] |
"Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible
things before breakfast."
-Lewis Carroll
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-Ingrid Bergman
thank u 4 being there for me. smiling at me. hugging me. talking to me. putting up with me. thank u. i need/ed it. <3
|
|
| and now ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and entertainment... |
[27 Feb 2005|03:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the tap dance in chicago |
] |
look my life is my life. not urs. not hers. not his. not theirs. mine.
if u dont like that im sorry
livejournal has become to abused for my tastebuds. every1s too bitter.
im glad i posted that thingy... i guess i learned some stuff that no1 had enough guts to tell me b4-- if ne1 feels like telling me who posted what then feel welcome to-- i wont get pissed. it takes too much energy.
ok look ppl: marc dumped me it broke my heart and im full aware im not being clear about what i want... cuz i havent the slightest idea. i just want to be single for a little bit. although, apparently that isnt allowed-- i should have seen that coming and im sorry i didnt.
i know im not perfect. lol i think the gothic slutt comment is funny cuz the majority of my clothes are like from abercrombie and guess im sorry to say. yes i like fishnets i am terribly sorry that affends ppl? and im also sorry im pale (adding to the gothness) i cant help it. GET OVER IT.
i would like to put a big thanks out there to caity who made a comment (but it got deleted before nebody saw it) that made me cry-- in a good way, saying: (caity tell me if u want me to delete this)
though some of these people have said things that i occasionally think about you (i.e. plays games with boys, you like attention) it doesn't erase the fact that in the short time i've known you, you have been there in times when i've needed just a look or a hug from someone, anyone, and i expected to get one from someone who i'd known for a long time who i thought cared, you suprised me and befriended me and i know you care about me and i don't know if you realize how much that means to me. if you ever think that you don't have a friend in the world you can eat your words because i consider you one of the people i care most about.
i love caity.
so im gonna make this perfectly clear: I AM NOT GOING TO 'GO OUT' WITH NEBODY BECAUSE I CANT TAKE THE STRESS RIGHT NOW.
and i would just like to remind everybody that if u talked to me about my life maybe... just maybe... u'd have a clue about what was going on.
and that in casblanca the famous line "play it again, sam" is never said
|
|
| an lj thingy cuz i cant think to write |
[25 Feb 2005|09:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
peachcake (thank u jake) |
] |
Post anonymously, and say anything.
How much you hate me, how much you love me, how much you can't stand me, how much you want to have sex with me, how much more you want to spend time with me, how much you want to kill me. Anything about your life, your parents, friends, me, you, whatever. It can be whatever the fuck you what, and you can be brutally honest. Do it if you know me, do it if you've never met me. Just DO IT.
Remember, it's important that you comment anonymously
|
|
|
[24 Feb 2005|02:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
postal service |
] |
i remember at cty (nerd camp) there was this kid who played the piano at our talent show and he played this breath taking peace that he had written... it was amazing. he got up in front of all these kids and played it flawlessly and it was beautiful. it was one of those moments that takes u away from everything and then when he was done it was kinda a smack to the face. i'll never be able to do that.
after the show all these kids came up and congradulated him... he looked like they were trying to kill him.
that talent show was the most intimidating thing: watching a whole bunch of kids younger then u or your age that are brilliant, most more then u, show off how talented they are too.
-- if that doesnt hurt some1s ego idk what would
|
|
| i danced my way into a tizzzy |
[20 Feb 2005|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
muse |
] |
im shaky and nervous l8ly... like e v e r y w h e r e i look there is betrayal
and nick's trying to work his way back into my life but he doesntfitanymore
iminmyowncompactnewyorkandthelivingspace4loveistooexpensive
ah i hate my body... stupid fucking chronic pain and im only 15. WTF!! i h a t e thewaythisfuckingskinimintreatsme
well at least genetics allow this (ignoring my INTENSE whiteness):
i saw Ray. it was good. (inspiring eh?)
this week was successful i remained calm in the er waiting room and didnt bitch any1 out at school afterwards... i even wrote a decent poem
here's to looking at you kid
|
|
| ummm hmmm |
[16 Feb 2005|10:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
modest mouse |
] |
I AM, FROM THIS POINT ON, THIS VERY SECOND, DEDICATING THE REST OF MY LIFE TO MARY WELCH
ITS OFFICIAL
SHE IS THE ONE AND ONLY
now would ne1 else like a dedication?
|
|
| plaid skirt |
[15 Feb 2005|06:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the west wing |
] |
he says he loves me
he says he loves me moree
i just want something to make sense in my heart and head
silly school girl
u r a teaseee
and i have a lil c-r-u-s-h
i dont believe any1 nemore and the 'L' word is over useddd but my room is full of flowers and it makes me smile
but i feel so useless and meannnn
im not supposed to whinnneee... but i dont want anybody to get hurtttttt and its too much drama drama drama
*and i havent him smile in awhile (crocodile)
i wish every1 wasss seee through
|
|
| V-day |
[14 Feb 2005|08:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the killers-- mr. brightside |
] |
this day started out good then dive bombed at some point
whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooossssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
KERSPLAT
alls fair in love and war
dollfaces, do me a favor and just smile. sit there for a moment and giggle, be giddy, smitten, gaga over some1-- and know u are loved... really honestly loved. do something good for urself: drink a cup of tea, meditate, stretch, watch movies, take a bubble bath
may one day my prince will finally come, but i mean, come on, whats the point of waiting around? i can save myself
"People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense." Ken Kesey
"Love is a great beautifier." Louisa May Alcott
there, dear luvvies, is my bit of nonsensically epiphany for u 2nite
...sweetdreamsdearvalentines...
|
|
|
[11 Feb 2005|11:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aloof |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
just being questioned |
] |
this recollecting day made me love myself less.
icky insecurity-- i suppose i should just learn to flaunt what i got?
i think that i fall in love to easily... with every1.
"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard, because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with." Judy Garland
The Wizard of Oz
i just want to be swept off my feet... for 1 day. then i will be able to stand again.
selfishselfishselfishselfish
will some1 please wake me up from my 5 year mentality?
|
|
| frozen in a movie romance |
[08 Feb 2005|05:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
watching how to lose a guy in 10 days |
] |
im not sure if there is any poetry left in my little soul
i guess there wasnt much in their at all at all
im so compulsive:
too much pressure
painted carefully and retouched
and my every smile clears it up
drawn to some invisible sadness
brought up through my chemical makeup
you took me in vain
I tip toe on my carbon feet
as not to disturb my angry skeleton
the one you watched disintegrate
to muse upon your experiment
you grabbed my tiny rib cage
and crushed it in your big hands
claimed you were giving me a panacea
just to watch it smear the paint
your credulous words
crept cunningly into my veins
disturbed my daily tempo
then --straight from the clique--
you ran away
too much pressure
|
|
| so wheres the undelete button? |
[07 Feb 2005|06:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Caity's Bright Eyes CD |
] |
ok eo luvvies i sucked it up and undeleted
now u must listen to me whine MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH
sorry for bing such a drama queeennn
i love SARA
|
|
|
[31 Jan 2005|12:04am] |
ahhh get me out of my headdddd
lalalalalalalalallalalallalalallalaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
|
|
| rock hard abs |
[29 Jan 2005|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 dorky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
me singing moonriver |
] |
oh dear dahlin's i think i have developed a crush
he give makess mee blusshh... (and rhyme apparently)
im sick of all this emotional bulllsshiitttt
and i know better then to let a crush (or 2) get in the way of my life... maybe
JUST KISS ME
silly girlll
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ctrl_ur_f8's journal
enraged
